Chapter 1 ~ 15 years ago
At the age of 43, I was a razor blade slash away from losing everything that I have today.
I would have lost my friends and family.
I would have lost finding my soul mate, my husband.
I would have lost knowing the person I have become today …
And … I would have lost my chance to tell those who are struggling …
You can do this.
You are a Survivor.
Trust me … I’ve been there.
I have felt the total devastation & destruction of divorce … the betrayal, the lies, the cheating.
I have felt the agony of losing a parent, a loved one, a friend.
I have felt worthless, ignored, abandoned, and a loneliness deeper than you can imagine.
( * our stories might be different ~ but the pain is the same * )
Chapter 2 ~ My Rock Bottom Moment
One night, after having one too many …
I broke down.
I had my own drunken “Pity Party”.
I started crying …
“Why me? This isn’t fair! Why do you hate me God? What did I do to deserve this? I can’t take any more … who cares anyway … I’m done.”
“I ….. give ….. up”.
I sat there sobbing, feeling worthless, hating myself. I was one hot mess of tears, snot and misery. I was honestly ready to “end it all”.
Chapter 3 ~ Why I’m here today
I got scared and started praying.
I prayed to God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Heavenly Father, Mother Mary …
I wanted to make sure I covered all my bases.
I cried my heart out.
I begged for help.
I totally exhausted myself.
I completely surrendered to God … and fell asleep.
Chapter 4 ~ The Beginning of My Spiritual Journey
The next day I was feeling pretty crappy.
I took a long hot bath.
I thought about how I had crashed and burned the night before.
How dangerously close I had come to literally ending my own life.
I went into my bedroom and notice a colorful little book my girlfriend had given me.
She said “this is you”.
The book was Succulent Wild Woman: Dancing with Your Wonder-full Self! ~ SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)
I settled in and started reading.
Susan is an amazing woman who has survived suicide, incest, and all the pain you can imagine that comes with it.
She made me laugh, cry, and look at my life in a whole new light.
She was my inspiration, kick in the ass and was there just in the nick of time.
This was the beginning of my journey to finding ME.
Chapter 5 ~ What I want you to know
I have read story after story of so many amazing survivors.
We all have our own unique story.
Here’s what all of our stories have in common … what I’ve learned … and what I know to be true.
You are not alone.
We have all felt your pain and suffering.
You are stronger than you think.
Pray … Believe …
Even if it’s as small as a mustard seed.
And above all else …
Know you are Loved.