My Rant about Diets

If you are on a diet …. I wish you the best.

I truly … truly do.

But … I’m so over hearing about the whole diet thing! Actually … I’m exhausted!

I know this is going to sound rude, harsh and like I’m a total bitch…. but there is absolutely NOTHING you can tell me about a diet that I haven’t already heard about in the last 25 some years of working with a bunch of women. I’ve had to listen in detail about the Adkins diet, the no carb diet, the low carb diet, the Weight Watchers diet, the peeing on a stick to measure Ketose diet, the cabbage soup diet, low fiber, high fiber ……

STOP! I can’t take it any more!

I don’t need to know how many Doritos equal 100 calories or how many carbs are in a personal pan pizza or how many points are in a can of soup. For God’s sake … just eat it already!

I’ve watched the same people … lose 25 pounds, then gain 20 pounds, then lose 15 pounds, then gain 30 pounds, lose, gain, lose, gain … over and over …. year after year ……….. and the whole time …. I heard about every. single. morsel. calorie. and carb. that went into their mouth! Pleeease…. have mercy on me. Just eat it!

And BTW …. I’m not the diet police!

Please don’t feel you need to tell me in detail why you went through Tim Hortons and bought a Double Chocolate donut instead of noshing on celery sticks. I don’t care. Just eat the son of a bitch ok? I won’t tell anybody. I promise.

So please forgive me. I really don’t mean to be rude. I just don’t want to be on your diet any more!

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about all of these diets over the past 25 years …. they don’t seem to be working.

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I have a complaint about schools!

I think it’s irresponsible when they close schools because of the wind chill! They aren’t teaching our children anything about responsibility! When these kids graduate and get a job … their bosses aren’t going to call them and say … “Hey … that wind chill is brutal … go ahead and stay home and play on your X-Box all day. We wouldn’t want you to freeze your spoiled little ass off.”

#AdulthoodCanSuckKids

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